Hmmm..Days with our Gays

Last Friday I practically bathed myself in vitriol by ranting about my theology 131 text and I was so upset I just had to eat a good meal, otherwise I would've been a homicidal bitch. Thank goodness Andrei was good company in Shakey's. I would've hated being angry while eating alone.

2 weeks ago I had lunch with Ralph and every so often we bitch and moan about our particular corner in the rainbow galaxy and wonder when the hell are we ever going to learn. Oh well.

Every so often, I meet with other gay friends and bitch and moan and laugh and joke and think, hey yeah, this is fun, we should do this more often.

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Being gay is getting to be acceptable here, though there are the moments that I think such acceptance is tokenistic at best. I guess we've settled for a nice even tolerance. Which is better than even 5 years ago. But there is still that undeniable feeling of ostracization, if only because we're gay and they're not and there are certain things we aren't built or meant to understand. While I understand that the very nature of humanity is to be diverse and unique from your fellow human, there is something rather jarring not to have something as fundamental as sexuality in common with your friends.

Another thing I've realised is that I tend to be the "gayest" guy in a group of gay guys, meaning I'm radically different from them. This is not to toot my own horn. Being different is this case, while not a bad thing, is still something that marks me as different. What's odd is that I'm out of place even though I can say that sometimes I've fallen into the stereotype of gay: effeminate male enjoying arts and crafts in theater. However, my out of place feeling is nowhere near as fundamental as it is with my heterosexual friends, and this kind of difference resonates more closely to being different just because we're different schmoes. It's like hey, I'm with a fellow schmoe, as opposed to, I'm a schmoe and you're a dork, similar but absolutely different, and any further difference compounds the fundamental different of schmoe and dork (not that straight people are dorks or gay people schmoes.)

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So when I go out with gay friends, it's like this dynamic of normality and familiarity is released from whatever corner it's been forced to lurk in, and I can be freer. I'm not saying that I'm not free now, but my difference with my other friends is a lot more palpable than with my gay ones. Is this a good thing? Is this even worth reflecting about?

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